Snave Manor

Es ist nun hochoffiziel: Kala ist unfähig!

Ich habe jetzt 5 verdammte Stunden mit dem Versuch verbracht den Countdown aus dem vorherigen Post in unserem Seiten Layout einzubauen. Vergeblich.

Es sieht jetzt ein wenig anders aus... aber irgendwann kriege ich den header sicher au noch hin... gebt mir ähm.... so 10 bis 15 Jahre...

Jetzt ab is Näscht!!!

Grüessli

Kala

.. und immer und immer wieder Neu startet.. obwohl man doch nichts tut!?

... Naja.. der arme PC startet immer neu anstatt das er runterfährt.. deswegen muss man ihn ja auch immer abwürgen, nicht wahr? Der arme PC sei an dieser Stelle erwähnt.. Und wenn man ihn dan wieder startet gibts nen Bluescreen..!
Liebe User.. wäre ich dieser PC .. Bluescreen wäre noch das mindeste, dass ihr kriegen würdet!!

Naja.. weiter im normalen Verlauf.. zuerst mal das IT einrennen und zusammenscheissen ... - We love it!! - dann den PC hier lassen..

und nun dazu, warum das ganze ein DAU Problem ist:
Der PC wird über start --> Shutdown heruntergefahren .. zu dumm, dass da halt nicht "Herunterfahren" ausgewählt ist sondern "Neu starten" und wenn der halt immer abgewürgt wird ändert sich halt auch die Einstellung nicht! ...

Was lernen wir daraus? --> Hauptsache man kann das IT anschreien.. dann ist der Tag auch schon wieder in Ordnung..

DAU fragt Kala: Muss ich eigentlich den Rechner einschalten damit der Bildschirm läuft?

Kala antwortet: Was genau willst du denn machen?

DAU: Ich will den Bildschirm am Laptop anschliessen. Muss ich dann den Desktop auch einschalten damit der Bildschirm funktioniert? Ich habe den Laptop eben angeschlossen und der Bildschirm funktioniert nicht.

Kala: Wieso willst du dann der Desktop anschalten?

DAU: Weil der Bildschirm nicht funktioniert!

Kala geht hin, sieht sich das Problem an und sagt:

Wenn du deinen LAP TOP einschaltest, dann geht auch der Bildschirm. Und überhaupt, was hat der Desktop mit dem ganzen zu tun? Das vga Kabel ist ja NICHT mit dem Desktop sondern mit dem Laptop verbunden!


Lieber Gott... beschütze uns vor den DAUs

*two and a halt done, two and a half more to go*

.. und irgendwie ist das immer noch nicht besser als Dienstag! Naja.. ich befürchte diese Woche wird nicht mehr besser ;)

Da wir aber trotzdem was zum lachen haben müssen hier eine weitere kleine Episode unseres bösen kleinen Operators:

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The Bastard Operator from Hell #3

So I'm working so hard I barely have time to drive into town and watch a movie before I told people their printing will be ready. The queue's WAAAAAY too long to have everything printed (and sorted) by the time I told them, so I kill all the small jobs so there's only 2 left and I can sort them in no time.

Then, after the movie, (which was one of those slack Bertolucci ones that takes about 3 hours till the main character is killed off in a visionary experience) I get back and clear the printouts.

There's about 50 people waiting outside and I've got two printouts. That's about average for me. I thought I'd killed more tho. Anyway, I put out the printouts and walk slooowly inside, fingering the clipboard with "ACCOUNTS TO REMOVE" in big letters on the back. No-one says anything. As usual.

. . .

I'm sitting back in the Operations Armchair, watching the computer room closed circuit TV, which just happens to be connected to the frame-grabber's Video player (sent off for repair, due back sometime in '97) when the phone rings. That must be the 2nd time today, and it's really starting to get to me!

"Yes?" I say, pausing the picture.

"I seem to have accidentally deleted my C.V!" the voice at the other end of the line says.

"You have? What was your username?"

He tells me. What the hell, I AM bored.

"Ah no, you didn't delete it - I did."

"What?"

"I deleted it. It was full of shit! You didn't ever get more than a B- in any of your subjects!"

"Huh?"

"And that crap about being a foreign exchange student, that was your girlfriend and we both know it!"

"Huh?!!"

"Your academic records. I checked them, you were lying.. Besides which, you forgot to include your criminal record.."

"How did y.." He clicks. "It's you isn't it? THE BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL!"

"In the flesh, on the phone and in your account.... You shouldn't have called you know. You especially shouldn't have given me your username.." >clickety< >click< "Neither should you have sent that mail to the System Manager telling him what you think of him in such graphic terms..."

"I didn't send any.."

>clickety< >click<......

"No, you didn't did you? But who can tell these days? Not to worry though, It'll all be over VERY soon.." >clickedy clikc< "..change my username back, and..."

"b-b-b.." he blubs, like a stood-up date

"Goodbye now" I say pleasantly, "you've got bags to pack and a life to start over..."

I hang up.

Two seconds later the red phone goes. I pick it up, it's the boss. He mumbles the username of the person I was just talking to, mentions something about a nasty mail message, and utters the words "You know what to do...", with the dots and everything.

Later, inside the Municipal Energy Authority Computer, as I'm modifying the poor pleb's Energy Bill by several zeros, I can't help but think about what lapse of judgement - what act of heinous stupidity - causes them to call. Then, even later, when I'm adding the poor pleb's photo image over the top of the FBI's online "MOST Wanted Armed and Dangerous, SHOOT ON SIGHT" offenders list, I realise I'll probably never know; but then life goes on.

A couple of hours later, as I see the SWAT vehicle roll up outside the poor pleb's apartment I realise that for some, it just doesn't.

But tommorrow is another day.

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muahahahahaha... ;)

Hallo ihr lieben..

Diese Woche steht mal wieder schön im Motto der DAU's .. heute wurde ich doch schon 2x gefragt "Spreche ich mit dem IT?" nein du dödel.. ich nehme meine Telefone immer mit "Helpdesk, Corinne" ab.. auch in der Freizeit .. und auf dem Handy!! ......!!
Naja.. momentan bin ich am organisieren, wie ich 14 Notebooks von Zürich nach Lausanne bringe und wieder zurück.. wie BLÖD ist das denn? 14 Computer per Kurier von Zürich nach Lausanne schicken für einen Tag und wieder zurück.. naja! Wenn die das so wollen..
Ausserdem hab ich schon wieder jemanden entdeckt mit einem "Shortcut to Desktop" auf dem Desktop .. ich will ja mal sehen wie die Leute DAS benutzen.. ;) naja.. das ganze abgelästere hier bringt mich zurück zu einem meiner Lieblingscharakteren was böses Helpdesk anbelangt.. den BOFH .. means.. the Bastard Operator from Hell .. gosh - he's fuckin' great!! I would have been fired after one day acting like this.. Aber da den wahrscheinlich nicht soo viele Leute kennen, hier eine Kleine Kostprobe:

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The Bastard Operator from Hell #1

It's backup day today so I'm pissed off. Being the BOFH, however, does have it's advantages. I reassign null to be the tape device - it's so much more economical on my time as I don't have to keep getting up to change tapes every 5 minutes. And it speeds up backups too, so it can't be all bad can it? Of course not.

A user rings

"Do you know why the system is slow?" they ask

"It's probably something to do with..." I look up today's excuse ".. clock speed"

"Oh" (Not knowing what I'm talking about, they're satisfied) "Do you know when it will be fixed?"

"Fixed? There's 275 users on your machine, and one of them is you. Don't be so selfish - logout now and give someone else a chance!"

"But my research results are due in tommorrow and all I need is one page of Laser Print.."

"SURE YOU DO. Well; You just keep telling yourself that buddy!" I hang up.

You'd really think people would learn not to call..

The phone rings. It'll be him again, I know. That annoys me. I put on a gruff voice

"HELLO, SALARIES!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I've got the wrong number"

"YEAH? Well what's your name buddy? Do you know WASTED phone calls cost money? DO YOU? I've got a good mind to subtract your wasted time, my wasted time, and the cost of this call from your weekly wages! IN FACT I WILL! By the time I've finished with you, YOU'LL OWE US money! WHAT'S YOUR NAME - AND DON'T LIE, WE'VE GOT CALLER ID!!"

I hear the phone drop and the sound of running feet - he's obviously going to try and get an alibi by being at the Dean's office. I look up his username and find his department. I ring the Dean's secretary.

"Hello?" she answers

"Hi, SIMON, B.O.F.H HERE, LISTEN, WHEN THAT GUY COMES RUNNING INTO YOUR OFFICE IN ABOUT 10 SECONDS, CAN YOU GIVE HIM A MESSAGE?"

"I think so..." she says

"TELL HIM `HE CAN RUN, BUT HE CAN'T HIDE'"

"Um. Ok"

"AND DON'T FORGET NOW, I WOULDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT FILE IN YOUR ACCOUNT WITH YOUR ANSWERS TO THE PURITY TEST IN IT..."

I hear her scrabbling at the terminal...

"DON'T BOTHER - I HAVE A COPY. BE A GOOD PERVY AND PASS THE MESSAGE ON.."

She sobs her assent and I hang up. And the worst thing is, I was just guessing about the purity test thing. I grab a quick copy anyway, it might make for some good late-night reading.

Meantime backups have finished in record time, 2.03 seconds. Modern technology is wonderful, isn't it?

Another user rings.

"I need more space" he says

"Well, why not move to Texas?" I ask

"No, on my account, stupid."

Stupid? Uh-Oh..

"I'm terribly sorry" I say, in a polite manner equal to that of Jimmy Stewart in a Weekend Family Matine Feature "I didn't quite catch that. What was it that you said?"

I smell the fear coming down the line at me, but it's too late, he's a goner and he knows it.

"Um, I said what I wanted was more space on my account, *please*"

"Sure, hang on"

I hear him gasp his relief even though he'd covered the mouthpeice.

"There, you've got *plenty* of space now!"

"How much have I got?" he simps

Now this *REALLY* *PISSES* *ME* *OFF*! Not only do they want me to give them extra space, they want to check it, then correct me if I don't give them enough! They should be happy with what I give them *and that's it*!

Back into Jimmy Stewart mode.

"Well, let's see, you have 4 Meg available"

"Wow! Eight Meg in total, thanks!" he says, pleased with his bargaining power

"No" I interrupt, savouring this like a fine red at room temperature, with steak, extra rare, to follow; "4 Meg in total.."

"Huh? I'd used 4 Meg already, How could I have 4 Meg Available?"

I say nothing. It'll come to him.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhH!"

I kill me; I really do!

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Hoffe konnte euch ein wenig erheitern ;)
Liebe Grüsse,
shay